I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I cut my penus on the lid.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize