You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Cover your peen. We're going out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
