Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
