It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
