Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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