What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
