You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
