can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just gift wrapped bread.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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