I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
