Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
