I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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