I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
