What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
