idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
