For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
why is half of my head shaved?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
