dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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