considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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