why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
