so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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