i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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