I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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