I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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