I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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