hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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