he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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