nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
