Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
