I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
