Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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