'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I had to cum in my sink.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
