if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
