if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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