everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
