remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
nutella sex= disaster
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
