Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
