She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize