did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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