Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
