Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
