I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
