She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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