You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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