ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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