im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
