I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
