Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
is it fun? or sober?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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