I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
