I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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