just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
