You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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