why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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