Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize