my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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