Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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