Four minutes until I can fart!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
