The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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