dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize