Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
