I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize