Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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