she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
