y did u give ur computer a hand job?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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