So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
