just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize