Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
