does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
