who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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