I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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