im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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