Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
