Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
