I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
